Hope
It was about two years ago that I had adopted the motto of “Without Hope or Fear.” I adopted it from a book called “M”, which was an excellent book about the life of one of my favorite artists. He was, and is, known in the art world today as Carvaggio (this was actually the name of the town that he was from.) He was a violent and conflicted man, but also an artistic Channel. Brooding and tortured by vice in his daily life, “M” was a master of light rendering and emotional indexing with a brush in his hand. His paintings and his life were both so dimly lit, that he remains almost as much a mystery today as he did to his contemporaries back then.”Without Hope or Fear” developed into a mindset for me after reading “M”. I felt free of the “wishing” taught to me in Sunday school. I felt, then, that Hope and Fear were two sides of the same coin. While letting go of fear was easy to understand, letting go of Hope felt almost controversial to this preacher’s kid. Inside of me, there was push and pull over the usefulness of Hope. Ultimately, I let go of Hope and fear because I believed they were concepts based on “what is not” rather than “what is.” It wasn’t easy to do, however. I spent my first eighteen years in Church. Hope is such a big concept in the Church. So much so, that I had an unexpected conversation (I was super-enthused about this approach) with my Father when I explained my new (latest) attitude to him.
“If that’s where you’re at, then I guess that’s where you’re at.” he said. “That’s not where I would wanna be, though.”
‘Weakness!’ I decried internally. He went on to say, “I just can’t imagine *wanting* to live without Hope.”
Now, two years later, I can’t imagine it either, Dad.
We spend so much time focusing on our physical losses as we get older, that sometimes we forget that most of us are wiser than we have ever been before. I like to think that my recent re-embracement of Hope is a fruit of this new Wisdom. Without Hope this world is dying. Without Hope, our partners may never ‘get’ us. Without Hope, our children may never appreciate us. Without Hope, we may be doomed to a life of isolation. Without Hope, all we are today may be all we will ever be.
Without Hope, we begin dying. With it, we begin living.
I say this to you, knowingly over-stepping my position as your hoop instructor, Hope is optimism. Hope is Belief. Hope is Love’s enduring presence. Hope is that we will reach points Higher. Hope is that there is still mystery and beauty beyond what our eyes record. Hope is that there IS a way out, through, or over. Hope, I say to you, is not a “wish” but a belief in making the most of what is at hand. Hope is a nutrient for the Spirit self. Hope. Hope. Hope. To each their own, but I can not live a life without Hope any longer. I, understand, the finite nature of the Earth’s resources, I understand the increased levels of violence in this world, I understand that there are more cancers than ever before, I understand that capitalism is killing us, I understand that biofuels may not be the best idea, I understand that one man isn’t going to change all that is wrong with this country, I understand that many are without food, I understand that the Earth is cooking, I understand that health care is too expensive, I understand that I can’t spend my whole life hooping, I understand that one day I will die. I get it. I know that Life has an ugly side. I know that there are those who hate me. I know it. I see it. I don’t deny any of it.
“That’s not where I wanna be, though.”
I choose to live in a world of Hope. I choose to live in a world of Promise. I choose to live in a world of laughter. I choose to live in a world of young children with big, uncorrupted eyes looking back up at me. I choose to live in world of brothers who walk again, of sons who come home again. I choose to live in a world where scorched Earth grows green again. I choose to live in a world where Life is precious because it is fleeting. I choose to live in world where “you mean a lot to me” means a lot to me. I choose to live in the world of Hope. I choose to live in a world where permanence has nothing to do with Beauty. I choose to live in a world where I see all things, but live with Hope for the unseen.