Retreat Reflections from a New Friend
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A new friend of the Hoop Path, who would like to remain anonymous, shared these extremely poignant reflections with us, and we would like to share them with you:
I was excited from the start to finally have a chance to study the Hoop Path way with you two. Having bought the DVD and watching it a few times, I knew that there was a spirituality present in HP which elevated the art of hooping far beyond the mere acquisition of tricks. This really resonates for me; I discovered hooping quite by accident on the internet 6 months ago. After making my own hoops and hooping blissfully with my little sis for a few weeks, I ordered an instructional hooping DVD which happened to be very trick oriented. As I struggled hopelessly to do even the most basic tricks on the DVD, I was overwhelmed with sadness and self-loathing–in a matter of moments I went from loving hooping with a pure and blissful joy, to resenting hooping, talented hoopers, and especially myself for being so uncoordiated, fat, blah blah blah, blah.
Thank God, though, my hooping story did not end there. Thanks to some self-work I have been doing (imperfectly) for the past few years in a 12step program, I was blessed enough to see the insanity and unreality of my thinking. I chose to move away from using the trick DVD for a while and focus on simply hooping for joy and letting whatever happens happen. Interestingly enough, I now can and do use the trick DVD without any negative effects.
I share all this simply to illustrate that a true Hoop Path which celebrates hooping as a sacred and life-affirming dance and art form is so needed in this community. Thank you for guiding hoopers like me along that path. Like so many things in this world, hooping has within it so many approaches and schools, though it is still largely below the radar. Some of these focus on appearance, while others focus on substance. Whenever I feel overhwhelmed and my mind begins to use hooping as a bludgeon (”I should hoop 3 hours a day” “Why can’t I have a body like so-and-so” “No one wants to see me hoop; I know, like, 4 tricks”), I like to imagine that Hoop Path and all that I have learned from it is like a still, small voice which will guide my along my true journey–all i need to do is turn down the volume on all the other clamor–all the World Of Appearance Shit–and listen. Like that piece of scripture…”A voice crying out in the wilderness…or crying out in the desert”…or something. That is how I think of Hoop Path.
Since I am on the subject of spirituality, let me share what was perhaps my most profound moment on the retreat: Hoop Church. If you held a Hoop Church service every sunday, i would have no choice but to move to NC! : ) Like so many others, my spiritual journey has been, and continues to be, a mysterious and rough road. Being raised in a loving born-again Christian household, I did always believe in God–yet was always unsure about Jesus. Being continually told that Jesus was the only way to heaven and that any wavering about him meant an eternity in hell, i forced myself to believe out of fear. of course, belief motivated by fear is no kind of belief at all. as a young child, fear of going to hell was CONSTANTLY on my mind, making me lose sleep every night, etc. As i went through turbulent teen years, i was able to largely put this out of my mind with ditstractions of drugs, abusive relationships, overeating and restricting, etc. I dabbled briefly with other religions, but nothing was ever a prefect fit. I never lost the sense that God exists, but i had no relationship with God and was in spiritual pain.
A few years ago in my late teens and early 20s I began turning away from some of the things causing me pain: drugs and bad relationships. Those were easy compared to my primary addiction, which i still must deal with daily, compulsive overeating. I have been recovering in Overeaters Anonymous since 2005…with ups and downs…but truly this program saved my life. I know that i never would have found hooping or especially Hoop Path with out the 12 steps. though it may sound odd, i think of hoop path as a part of my recovery from addictions and the disease of self.
To connect this back to Hoop Path and hoop church: My first year or two of recovery were easy and blissful, which was a gift. I was able to have a relationship with God, my Higher Power, and to set aside most of my spiritual anxieties and uncertainties simply because recovery was such an awesome experience. Then, one year ago, things got hard again. I had a sudden attack of severe back pain, which continues to linger to this day. My complacency about food and meeting attendance was growing and I began to relapse and turn away from program. Again, i became bothered by christian doctrines which stated that there was no other way. i knew i did not believe in christianity, yet i had also been conditioned to fear trying any other faiths because this meant going to hell. finally, right before i found hooping, i resigned myself to the fact that i would probably go to hell no matter what, and that any spiritual journey would be futile. When i began hooping, my mother was mostly supportive. yet when i would show her any hooping stuff on the internet, she would remark that it was a “cult” a “false doctrine” and a “new age california thing.” : ) I thought to myself, “if it is a cult, count me in! it’s the coolest cult I can imagine.” I did think of my hooping as a spiritual practice. it also helped with some self-image stuff during my food relapse. my first and only hooping event prior to hoop path was hoop convergence–and i had some spiritual experiences there which helped me to move into the mindset i wanted to be in for hoop path.
Coming in to the hoop church service was awesome. the entire retreat had already been so meditative, and hoop church really allowed me to get to a place of serenity. the music was particularly important to my entire epiphany–i was hooping, meditating, etc, and suddenly a song came on: an amazing version of “How Great Thou Art“. This song was the key that helped me unlock years of spiritual pain and to move through and beyond my spiritual blocks. I really believe that your choice to use that song was divinely inspired–that song played for a reason. I always loved that song, and I have a powerful memory attatched to it. Several years ago, my mother and I were on vacation in Pennsylvania. We were hiking through some caverns and waterfalls in this gorgeous nature preserve. At one point we found ourselves face to face with a HUGE cavern which made tremendous echoes. My mother, who has a beautiful voice, closed her eyes and sung this very hymn, starting slowly and building into a crescendo with the chorus of “then sing my soul, my savior God to thee, how great thou art…”
I remember that when she did this i wanted to let myself be moved to tears but i could not allow it because my heart was so hard.
years later, in your hoop church, i was hooping to this song with my heart completely open. in my mind’s eye i was back at the cavern again. suddenly, i was so overwhelmed with joy and pain and tears–everything was flowing through me at once and all i could feel was gratitude. The only way to put into words exactly what i realized at that moment is to one of the mantras baxter gave to us: “it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.” I realized, I am okay with the Mystery, and it is okay with me. I am at peace. i am child of God, and I am not forsaken.
Driving home on the interstate the next morning, i passed a billboard. it was huge and black with big letters reading,
“IF YOU DIED TODAY, DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WOULD SPEND ETERNITY?”
Normally, a billboard like this would either frighten or anger me. but becuase of what i experienced at hoop church, i just smiled to myself and answered the question: “No, i don’t know where I am going when i die. and for the first time, that does not scare me.”
Hoop path has given me exactly what i wanted spiritually–and this is to say nothing of everything i got from it physically, emotionally, and mentally as well. blindfolded hooping was awesome. sometimes i wish that the only hooping i would ever do forever is blindfolded hooping alone in the woods. I really feel as though there is my life before hoop path, and my life since. that is not to say that all my hooping since has been magical or blissful–but even the hard days (like yesterday) are teaching me the importance of what baxter was saying about having a commitment to a hoop practice regardless of circumstances or mood.
My last thing to share (though i could go on forever) is about a dream that i had just last night. this dream was about hoop path, and it was because of the dream that i realized i was ready to write this email:
I dreamt that i was organizing a hoop path event, that i had brought Baxter and Ann to my town for the event. though there were already dozens of people there for the event, i began getting nervous and wanting to call the whole thing off. i got up in front all the other hoopers and said, “Well, everyone, there is another hoop path event already planned a month from now in a nearby city. So, we have a choice: we can stay here for this event, and have to do all the work ourselves, or we can cancel it and just go to the event next month which is already planned, that way we won’t have to do any work.” I turned to Baxter and asked, “What should I do: should i do the work, or let someone else do it?” Baxter just smiled knowingly and said nothing. Then everyone there joined hands in a long circle and starting moving around the room–all i could see was circles within circles, and people smiling and turning round and round, dancing and forming long chains. As the smiling faces surrounded me and i was swept into the dance, i turned to Baxter and said, “i made the right choice didn’t I? i decided to do it myself, right? i’m so glad that i did!” And again Baxter was smiling, and he just nodded. Then, i woke up. i can’t explain to others what the dream means, but i know it myself.